Why me?

I think I am a good person, saved 3 lives in my lifetime without being in a job that required it. My life is pond scum, surrounded by the powers of hell.... It is official, God hates me. Why? Maybe it's because I went though 6 mo of a slutty phase? Maybe it's because I had an affair with a married man? Maybe it's because I am a big fat lump of nothingness..... Maybe he just doesn't realize I am here? I don't want to be here anymore. I want to stop living in this world. My body is broken. My husband is leaving me for another year.... I am sad, lost, lonely and hurt... I am broken and I do not understand why I have to be put in these positions and why it's ok to be completely screwed over time and time again.... I want to pack my van and leave, just leave... drive until the gas runs out... walk, get kidnapped and killed... then it won't be my fault I guess. No one knows me, they think I am sweet, pushover... I get used, ignored and hurt almost weekly... Now add alone. I am certified crazy at this point because I can't find one thing to live for. I want out. I am too tired to do this all over again.