12 years have come and gone, I have been through a variety of emotions... states and obstacles... The major change being... I no longer want out of my marriage... I really had to self reflect and realize that I was the problem too... I didn't put in the effort.. I expected perfection, I never valued what he did or said because I would have did or said it differently... I let us down just as much as he did... then we changed how we spoke, reacted and treated each other... I can say with all honesty... I have really enjoyed these past 2 1/2 years... I know what you are thinking out of 12-yrs... 2.5 is what you got? No. In the beginning young love... kids... marriage... failures... horrible moments, depression... then... I don't even know how but we decided to stop bitching about our marriage and started being married?!?! Who knew that when you throw effort into something, it works out generally?



Here's my top 3 pointers to turn your marriage around and have like the best life possible:



1. Time together - it doesn't matter what is being said or done; just so that it is together. If you are not feeling connected, this is a way to fix that. Take on a project together, fixing the washer machine sucked balls but I love how we did it together. We laughed so much that day my cheeks were sore. Stop bitching and just PRESENT in the day to day activities... Put down your cellphone and just look at this man you call husband... He might surprise you... Lay your head on his lap if he is playing video games or working at home... Snuggle... hold hands... Keep physical contact and the emotional contact will soon be filled.... If you have to stay up until 4am to get some alone time, do it... You can sleep when you die.



2.  SEX - Do it! Often and a lot... Surprise him in the shower... Wake him up with a blow job... Jump on top while he is watching TV... You can still wear comfy clothes but make sure there like SUPER short baggy shorts (no underwear if your up for it), no bra with a t-shirt... No big comfy sweats or sweaters... unless you flash him ever so often, which is fun... Be comfortable but sexy. Make sure 24hrs or less go by between love sessions... Some-days you may have a fun filled day of two or more lovemaking moments.. but it is not the quantity... it's the quality - time ;) It does something to your brain and body to connect physically everyday or other day... You are filled with loving hormones for your escapades and emotionally have a physical connection that transcends daily activities together. You get to feel and act like teens again. After a week or so of doing this if you miss two days, trust me, you will feel ravenous for each other. My husband and I went 30-days sex binge, not because we were obligated to... We just wanted to... It was an AWESOME 30 days! Tell the kids your brushing your teeth together and make that counter space count for an exciting tryst.... (Clorox wipe down the counter obviously afterwards lol) You don't have to get creative, just get naked and do what feels right..



3. Surprise each other - Cards, letters, emails, texts... Be cute, sexy or send anything you are thinking or feeling.. JUST be there... Take him on a scavenger hunt or just send him some coins/ups on his fav app... ANYTHING... My husband likes to write me notes before work or take me on a surprise one day vacay... it just makes like sweeter and gives you an appreciation for the thoughtfulness of each other...Life is good when you have someone always there to surprise you ;) There is something so simple about putting in a little bit of effort to just let the other person know...  they are on your mind... this made you think of them... or that they are the most important person you think about.... You got to be present and give presents... not expensive.. thoughtful... not showboating... romantic and just for you both... make each other the priority in your life... Kids are your collective priority, but at the core your relationship together has to be stronger, put first.. Kids are happy when the parents are not fighting and loving each-other... You will teach your kids what a great, loving relationship looks like... what a gift!!!